Christmas is a great opportunity to spend time together as a family but, even with the best intentions, things don’t always run smoothly. Behavioural expert Judi James has ideas for making Christmas time quality time.

For busy working parents, quality time spent with the family may be in short supply, not least when you have to juggle work and child commitments. Finding time to unwind and be together at home is often a rarity, which is why the time at Christmas should be a good opportunity to re-connect.

Best laid plans…

But with all the excitement of Christmas and the festive season, it’s not surprising that things don’t always go to plan. Children get over-excited, your nerves get frazzled and there’s raised voices and disagreements over what games to play or what Christmas specials to watch on TV.

“Taking bets on when the first tears or tantrums will break out and then cleaning up financially can be one way of coping, while other parents swear by the sweet sherry route to dulling the pain (for themselves, not the kids),” says behavioural psychologist Judi James.

But to retain a sense of genuine calm on the big day, it’s important to see the festivities through your kids’ eyes first, as empathetic solutions tend to be more effective in creating Christmas calm.

Here are Judi’s seven practical tips to guide you through the festive period and ensure everyone has an enjoyable and stress-free time.

1. Don’t over anticipate

“Anticipation is great but don’t wind the kids up too much about the big day itself, as it’s a recipe for disaster,” advises Judi.

“Children tend to imagine things and gifts are going to be more exciting and more impressive than they really are. While you’re wrapping that gift you worked so hard to afford, they’re expecting a pony or a personal visit from Justin Bieber.”

The potential resentment on both sides of this gift process can lead to what’s often referred to as the ‘perfect Christmas Day storm’.

2. Focus on the present, not the past

“Never allow the spectre of your own thrifty childhood to taint the current banquet,” advises Judi.

Expecting your kids to fall on their knees in gratitude because they got a Wii, while you only had a tangerine and a new pair of socks at their age is unrealistic. They only make comparisons with their peers (such as that rich kid down the road who really did get a pony).

3. Embrace bribery

Kids need bribing. Their good behaviour may only last until all the presents have been opened, so have something up your sleeve to deal with this.

“Decorate your tree with small gifts with dates on them that run well past Christmas and let them know those are the days they’ll be given out,” adds Judi.

4. Plan escape routes

Kids need escape routes. Being stuck inside with relatives for a day or two can be too much for kids – and adults.

Schedule some escape routes into the day – a long walk, a kick around with a ball or a cycle around the block – to let off steam, use up energy and clear heads.

5. Learn to compromise

You may love the idea of turning off the TV and computers for the day and playing old fashioned games, like charades and cards instead, but announcing they’re off limits won’t go down well.

“Either introduce these games prior to Christmas, so they can get an idea of the jollity that lies in wait, or allow each member of the family to pick one ‘fun’ option that you’ll all do for a set period of time and give a prize to the one voted most memorable,” suggests Judi.

6. Deal with bad behaviour strategically

If your kids do get into mischief or behave badly, aim to be strategic with your punishments, rather than spontaneous.

Judi says: “Taking gifts back or sending a sobbing kid to his room can be overkill, making you look like the wicked witch for the rest of the day.”

Remember, small kids don’t do empathy. They don’t understand their bad behaviour or tantrums are annoying or upsetting other people and spoiling their day. Children think Christmas is just for them – like a birthday, but better.

7. Plan treats for you

Keep the day calm for everyone by viewing Christmas Day through a child’s eyes and letting it be a special day for them.

But don’t overlook your needs completely – make time to indulge yourself too. Set aside an evening, book a babysitter, spend quality time with your partner or indulge in something you really enjoy at Christmas.

Post a comment below to let us know how you create a calm Christmas.